You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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