I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
