how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
