Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
