I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
