I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
