Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
