and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize