id be glad to
Jerry, you need to find god
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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