Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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