I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
