on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
