Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
