Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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