Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
