i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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