when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
