I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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