I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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