i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
