I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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