why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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