His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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