If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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