My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
