I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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