1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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