you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
