What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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