There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
