god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
