If i come over, it means nothing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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