My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
