I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
