I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
