Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
