The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize