and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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