I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
