He is such a slut. More and more my type.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
