Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
