Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
