It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
