I got chris browned last night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
