How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
