Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I checked into jail on foursquare
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
