I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
