I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
