I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
