News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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