i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
