I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize