dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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