Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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