Screwed.edu
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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