mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
