Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
