my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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