Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
