By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
