I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize