you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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