Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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