At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
