Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Randomize
