I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
