I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm determined to sit on that face.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
