Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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