Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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