dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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