Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its not stalking. its research.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
