I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize