$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize