We won't sleep together?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
