i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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