you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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