It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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