WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
