dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
