mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
