with your own penis?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
